"When we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey." - Wendell Berry
I really love this quote because it was at this point in my life when I started searching for something more... Something more than the life I was living, a way to discover the parts of me that I had lost, but I had been yearning for:
To taste and touch and feel the truth of who I was within every fibre of my being. Life had become grey and I just knew that there was something deeper than whatever this life was that I had found myself living... Not that I felt that I had anything to complain about, everything looked fine, everything 'was fine'... but I just felt that I had become so disconnected from the truth of who I was. The person that I wanted to be. The person I knew was in there somewhere and wanted to be experienced and expressed and expanded infinitely. I had a glimpse of her every now and then when something would touch upon that 'thing' that would make me come alive, if but for a moment. Like a beautiful song that hit me in just the right place, or the falling of summer rain and a beautiful moonlit sky filled with stars, or standing in the middle of an open forest, just me and the trees.
And then when I would feel that feeling, that beautiful connection that I just longed to hold on to forever, not losing it in the muddiness that came along with life...Along with it came a sadness and a longing for there was something calling me to come home to myself and I just had no idea how to get there. In challenging moments of life when I would cry and ask for grace, I could feel it in those moments of surrender. Where was the shepherd in the dark with a lamplight, showing me the road?
And then I discovered it. The road back home to Self. How to release all of that which had muddied the waters and cut me off from feeling the beauty of life. That which created the limiting beliefs, untruths, thoughts and expectations that I placed on myself and that held me back from seeing and shining the light within and the truth of who I am. To heal all that stands in the way of clear waters and finding the middle way. To find balance, healing and restoration of my body, my mind and all of Self. To find freedom and ease within, which ripples through me and out into the world in turn.
The shepherd holding the lamplight was Anandi Sano. She is the founder of peiec energy healing and a master healer amongst many other names. What she teaches and shares with us to heal so deeply in this lifetime is something that I trusted and could feel resonating with the calling from within. It was a small light that began at first, but I trusted the journey, I trusted that feeling within myself, and I kept doing the work. And what I have discovered for my life has brought me such joy, purpose, gratitude, reverence, appreciation for life and connection. It is a deeper peace, and it is one that I never could have imagined existed. That I never imagined I could feel... and that sadness is no longer there... because I do not fear that this beautiful feeling will disappear. That inner stillness is deepening every single day that I walk this journey of healing with peiec.
And what a journey. To find a way to walk without fear. To live my joy. And to fill my cup so that I could be a Shepherd for others searching for that something like I was.
I will be forever grateful to myself that I followed the inner call. The path back home to uncover and shine the light of who I truly am, and forever grateful to Anandi Sano for showing us a path to discover the beauty of who we are at our Core, and how incredibly beautiful life can truly be.
*Image from Michael Meade Mosaic Voices